Not so fun

11:38 AM


I woke up this morning in an okay mood, actually I was very happy and excited; the sun was shining and I had a very interesting conversation with my mum. I don't know what happened but my mood just turned downhill. I'm having terrible anxiety and the only thing I want to do right now is go home and go to sleep. I'm just so disappointed in myself, I have a quite OK performance in school right now. I'm not failing classes anymore and I'm doing fairly good & average. But the numbers still bother me, last year I didn't attend to 60% of classes because of an incident. This time I decided to pick up on school and start betting everything on my grades. From what I know I haven't been extremly sick or stayed at home, I've been forcing myself to get up everyday. Yet the numbers have only gone down to 40%. It's so infuriating, it's like a big knot in my throat and chest making it hard for me to breath.

I feel like a failure because of those numbers, my grades are ok but those numbers still have such a big impact on me. I feel like I've doing my best, pushing myself to my limits but it's still not enough. I feel like giving up and just going to bed forever, I'm sick and tired of this. I don't want none of this. :(

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